Together we go on...

I experienced early childhood trauma in the form of abandonment. My father was incarcerated for the first time when I was around 2 years old. I don't particularly remember my first experience visiting him in prison, but I remember visiting the prison regularly. My uncle and aunt went with my mother and my brother and I during the first visit. It is their recollection of the event that tells me how traumatic the entire experience was not only for me, but for the whole family.

Now that we are all a little older and wiser (nearly 40 years older and wiser), and the proverbial "fruit of the tree" of my dad has proven itself best if avoided, it's time to go back and process my deeper hurts with God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."

The Corinthian letters were an exchange of letters between the Apostle Paul and the church in Corinth. The Corinthian church had questions and Paul entrusted Chloe to deliver his replies back (hence the seemingly dissociation of subjects Paul covers...) In the letters, he admonishes, exhorts, encourages, and gives pastoral guidelines for the best conduct of the church in that culture. 

For us today, one timeless truth is: WHO GOD IS. In fact, at the end of EVERY study of scripture, that is what we MUST ask ourselves: What does this passage teach me about God? 

Sure, think about yourself, but first, think about God. What is God teaching you about God?

Second, RECEIVE that teaching. For example, the passage quoted above (1 Cor. 1:3-4), I KNOW God is the "God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles," but I struggle to receive that comfort in my HEART. 

Pause. Did you know scripture defines humans as "heart/mind, soul, strength," (Deu 6:5, Mt 22:37, Mk 12:30, Lk 10:27 to name a few...). The Hebrew of "heart and mind" is a collective word, lebab. Soul is nephesh and refers to a living/feeling/breathing creature. M'od is physical strength, so a rock or tree can have m'od. However, no rock or tree possesses nephesh like a feeling/breathing creature and not every feeling/breathing creature has lebab. 

So, we humans are more than thought, more than emotions, more than body...we are collectively lebab/nephesh/m'od... with the whole being greater than the sum of the parts.

And there are certainly times we have a disconnect of our elemental parts. Like when my knowledge doesn't sink into my soul where the core of my being is fundamentally transformed through the reality that GOD IS LOVE. God is my comfort, but do I actually invite Him to comfort me?

No. Not really...not all the time at least. 

And now that I am processing with the Lord my hurts and wounds I thought were healed, I am learning to receive His comfort. 

Because the reality is: I am not comfortable being comforted. 

But if I am going to serve and love others with the love that God serves and loves me, I must welcome His comfort. I must welcome Him first into my life so that His presence in my life will overflow into the lives of others....

I have found a remarkable thing: the more I lean into my Good Shepherd, the more I let Him care for me, do work on me, than I am not overwhelmed or crushed under the burdens that once crushed me. I am not speaking about lament nor denying that traumatic things happen...I am speaking about the strength and ability God gives to allow us to endure. 

I sit with God. I seize quiet moments to lament the lamentable and rejoice the joyful. And together we go on...