26 Things Learned the Hard Way

1. Remember to put the seat down after your older brother just used the toilet (age 2)
2. I don't like lamb chops (age 3)
3. Putting your finger down your throat WILL make you throw up (age 4)
4. Don't put the mixer on "HIGH" when you've just added flour (age 5)
5. When your uncle tells you grasshoppers are delicious, don't believe him (age 6)
6. Don't try to catch grasshoppers in your mouth on your uncle's motorcycle (age 6)
7. Uncles are mean spirited and enjoy laughing at you (age 6)
8. When you play in the sandbox of someone who has cats, be extra careful (age 7)
9. When a rooster runs at you, he does not want to be friends (age 8)
10. Feed your pet rabbit (age 9)
11. Pet graves are hard to dig in winter (age 9)
12. Boy are gross (age 10)
13. I really did like that boy (age 14)
14. Don't offer to help just to be nice (age 15)
15. Move your foot slowly off the clutch (age 16)
16. Those lamb chops were OUR baby lambs (age 17)
17. College exams are easier if you go to class (age 18)
18. The "courtesy flush" is a courtesy to yourself (age 19)
19. Maybe that wasn't such a great idea (age 20)
    
20. "That Boy" really did like me too (we got married) (age 21)
21. When your midwife says,"Don't push,"... DON'T PUSH! (age 23)
22. Tuck the baby boy's penis down in the diaper (age 23)
23. Newborn boys have surprising accurate aim (age 23)
24. Pick up the dog poop in the yard BEFORE your toddler goes out to play (age 24)
25. Don't assume your 9 month old can't climb out of the shopping cart (age 25)
26. It is by the grace of God that I am alive to celebrate another birthday (age 1-26)